Parental Separation or divorce
This a very upsetting time in a child’s life, they haven’t developed an in depth understanding of relationships let alone the nuances that come with a marriage. When that marriage breaks down the child or children don’t understand and express themselves differently. It’s upsetting, it hurts and it is just a tough and horrible time. I can tell you it’s temporary and kids do come through it, however it can be prepared for.
You and your partner will have had discussions around the children, living arrangements and how to tell them. Disciplining the children and coming to an agreement that will work for the child, is something that is often left till after the divorce and behaviour can start to slip.
We can help at the planning stage, mediating and drawing up a list of agreements. It’s not rocket science but it’s so important, even if it’s a contentious battle or a difference of opinion it’s better to sit down and get it down on paper at whatever stage you are at. We can get involved at any stage even long after the event and know that it can help and not all is lost.
After months of fighting over the kid, picking up at the wrong time, haircuts, bed times and loads of others, I phoned Parenting Commandos. Claire (my ex) and I wouldn’t listen to each other so I thought I would try something different. I just wanted to see my kid as much as I could. The first few meetings were just seen separately, she wouldn’t see me. Parenting Commandos negotiated a set of rules and they were still above and beyond what I should need to do. They helped me see which were in the best interests of my daughter and what would help in the long term. After 3 weeks of this, we sat down and hashed out some real basic “red lines” that we wouldn’t cross and Parenting Commandos set up a new email we cc’d in to communicate. We tried this, it was terrible being so formal but it was working. A few weeks later we managed to sit down and have a better conversation and a new agreement that wasn’t so basic. It was really like having your child in focus the whole time. It’s taken a long time and our written agreement has evolved but as separated parents we are working for the best interests of our daughter.
Andrew, (Linlithgow)
Often we are called in to help with the behaviour of children after the divorce. The only thing they have known is going to be different, their “safe base” isn’t a base anymore. It’s a big change and your child is going to shout, argue and fight. If they can see the other parent disrespecting you then why can’t they? If they see you putting rules in that don’t make sense to them, why should they follow them? Your children are trying to make sense of their new environment and they are pushing all the boundaries. We help to fix those boundaries and put new ones in place. We help to get your child to understand that it is hard for you too but the end goal is to have a happy home, even when it means two homes.
Get in contact at whatever stage you are at and we can help. It’s a tough situation and we want to help make it a little less tough.
